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What if you thought you were hearing Marvin Gaye's "I Heard It Through the
Grapevine, " but when you listened a little closer it was, "I Sprayed It on
the Grapevine? " Or, hey, isn't that the Beach Boys? But what's that they're
singing? "Clonin' DNA " instead of "Surfin' USA? " What's going on?
Carl Winter is what's going on and he's been called "The Artist Formerly
Known as Prince of Pesticides, " the "Elvis of E. coli " and the "Sinatra of
Salmonella. " The 41-year-old food toxicologist at the University of
California at Davis and director of its FoodSafe Program has recorded
parodies of popular songs featuring lyrics about food safety issues.
Ooh, I bet you're wondering how I knew
'Bout those bugs' plans to make me blue
The holes in the leaves, they made it clear
That there are invertebrates to fear.
It took me by surprise I must say
But this insecticide will save the day, so ...
I sprayed it on the grapevine
Pretty soon those bugs will be dyin'.
Oh I sprayed it on the grapevine
Cause if I didn't there'd be no grapes for wine
Honey, honey, yeah.
Winter, a legitimate scientist, now has recorded two CDs about
microbiological food safety and they have gotten a lot of attention not
only from his academic colleagues but also from educators. "It's not there
for high musical quality -- it's a non-traditional way to teach about food
safety. It's been really well-received, which is nice, " he said in a
long-distance telephone interview this week.
Making education fun -- what a novel idea.
Little Eva's "Locomotion " becomes "Food Irradiation, " The Beatles' "I Want
to Hold Your Hand " turns into "You Better Wash Your Hands, " Latin
heartthrob Ricky Martin's "Livin' La Vida Loca " suddenly is "Beware La Vaca
Loca " (mad cow), the Village People's legendary "YMCA " is "USDA " after
Winter got finished with it and Ray Parker Jr.'s "Ghostbusters " evolves
into "Foodbusters " with the cleverly substituted "I ain't afraid of no
roast. "
"Clonin' DNA " (with apologies to the authors of "Surfin' USA ") goes:
If everybody had a lab bench
Across the U.S.A.
They'd be cranking out products
Nearly every day.
You'd see them waving their test tubes
Just like Genetics 1A.
Everybody's gone clonin'
Clonin' DNA.
A keyboard player for a couple of rock bands in college, Winter longed to
get back into music after a 15-year self-imposed sabbatical but had no idea
where his return would take him. It's not like he has a voice for silent
movies but he himself will admit that he's "vocally challenged. " So he
won't be breaking into the pop charts anytime soon but he's a hit at the
conventions when the scientists get together to discuss serious issues.
"It's not Carnegie Hall or 5,000 people in T-shirts getting wasted, " he
said. While there are some very interesting and intellectual people
lecturing on some captivating subjects, sometimes the eyelids get heavy,
and then on comes Winter to liven things up, but with a message. Such as
his spin on Kenny Rogers' "The Gambler, " which is "Don't Be a Gambler " and
is about cooking hamburgers thoroughly:
You gotta know when to heat 'em
Know when to eat 'em
Know when to wash your hands
And decontaminate.
There's no need to gamble
When you're eatin' at the table
Or you'll be sick in the bathroom
When the evening's late.
Winter self-produced the CDs -- "Sanitized for Your Consumption: A Menu of
Musical Morsels, " which debuted this summer, and "Stayin' Alive: A Hearty
Helping of Food Follies and Science Serenades. " Music technology is so
improved, he said, that with a synthesizer and some modest equipment he
could lay down individual musical tracks, on which he could be the whole
band, in his spare bedroom. Apropos of that, "Spare Bedroom Studios " it is
on the CDs. The lyrics are quite clever, not what you'd expect from a
serious scientist whose fields of expertise are toxicological consequences,
contaminants, toxins and pesticides.
"I've always been pretty good with words, and I'm a punster -- I drive my
wife crazy with that, " Winter says. "So the lyrics weren't that tough.
Besides, with the Internet, you can see how bad the original lyrics were.
Some of them were just dreadful. "
So, where will Winter's food safety musical career take him?
"Well, I think
I've exhausted the world of food safety topics so it'll probably fizzle
after a while. But it's been kind of innovative, very enjoyable, I like to
travel and meet people and entertain them. I guess I'm a little eccentric
... But I'm definitely keeping my day job. "
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