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I have been horribly ignorant.
I've been walking around for years thinking that all those music-lyric Web sites had no redeeming value.
Why, I thought, would anybody sit in front of a computer for hours, transcribing the words to
" Little Red Corvette" or " Stayin' Alive" ?
Now I know: Carl Winter.
Winter is a toxicologist and food-safety expert at the University of California, Davis.
He downloads music lyrics off the Internet, rewrites them to reflect messages about E-coli,
hand washing and memorable lab rats, and records them in his spare bedroom.
Then he uploads the remastered works to his Web site. Even public radio is impressed.
" He's the Sinatra of salmonella, the Elvis of E. coli," raved Beth Engeler,
co-host of the health Show, aired on East Coast public radio.
Winter is a bit more humble.
" I am vocally challenged," he said.
Now government officials are downloading the free songs — or ordering a free CD —
and listening at retirement parties. Trade groups pay Winter to sing live. And teachers are starting to call, asking if they can use his music to educate kids.
Here's what they'd hear, as sung to the tune of " Ghostbusters" :
Italian food - it'll have to wait
According to the
Foodbusters!
It's a heart attack, right there on your plate
If you listen to the
Foodbusters!
I ain't afraid of no roast
I ain't afraid of no toast
They might also catch this version of Stayin' Alive:
Don't want hepatitis or that gastroenteritis
I'm just stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Scrubbin' off my veggies and I'm heatin' all my burgers
Up to 185, 185
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive
Now when I was young I wouldn't hesitate
To chow right down, clean off my plate
With oysters raw and burgers rare
I enjoyed my food without a care
But now I hear, its not OK
I might not live another day
Believin' Oprah, Meryl Streep
Soon I might be 6 feet deep
Winter has rewritten 10 pop songs, including " Love Potion No. 9"
(" Rat No. 49" ), " YMCA" (" USDA" ) and " Surfin' USA"
(" Clonin' DNA").
A rock 'n' roll keyboard player in college, Winter later forsook the
ivories for graduate school and a directorship of Davis' FoodSafe Program,
which educates people about eating hazards.
But he missed the melodies.
With the advent of musicmaking software such as Cubase and listening programs
like RealPlayer, Winter realized he could be a " one-person band." He plugs his
keyboard into the back of his Macintosh, remixes using a four-track tape recorder,
and burns the music onto writeable CD-ROMs. He waits until the kids are asleep.
Winter's wife is very supportive.
" It is probably a little embarrassing at times, when you have someone not
formally trained in singing, putting his voice out there to potentially millions of
people," Winter said. " But it is fun."
Winter also remains a solid singer of the people. He has hesitated to offer his songs
on the richer MP3 music format.
" We would be talking about a 2- to 5-megabyte download," Winter said. " That is not
going to work for your typical modem user."
And in the meantime, he remains a solid testament that music-lyric sites serve a
noble purpose. His favorite, along with others, are listed next to this column.
Carl's fave lyrics site
www.lyrics.ch
Compendium of Misunderstood Lyrics
www.flash.net/
The Original Hip-Hop Lyrics Archive
www.ohhla.com
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