Fifty Ways to Eat Your Oysters
In the style of Paul Simon's "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover"

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The problem is all inside the shell, says CDC
This Vibrio vulnificus can cause mortality
I'd like to help you eat your seafood safely
There must be fifty ways to eat your oysters

Now if you're healthy you can still enjoy them raw
Just serve 'em on the half shell, you're not breaking any law
But if the raw ones make you nervous here's some advice you can recall
There must be fifty ways to eat your oysters
Fifty ways to eat your oysters

Just heat 'em on the grill, Phil
Fry 'em in a pan, Stan
No need to avoid, Floyd
Just listen to me
Steam 'em in a pot, Scott
You don't need to prepare much
Just broil 'em for three, Lee
And eat them safely.

Heat 'em on the grill, Phil
Fry 'em in a pan, Stan
No need to avoid, Floyd
Just listen to me
Steam 'em in a pot, Scott
You don't need to prepare much
Just broil 'em for three, Lee
And eat them safely.

Knowing if you're at risk is certainly the key
Avoid raw oysters if you've got immune deficiency
Or liver problems, diabetes, some other chronic malady
There still are fifty ways to eat your oysters

Another option is to buy them pressurized
Or find some oysters that have been flash pasteurized
Many treatments can be used to cause bacterial demise
Some of the fifty ways to eat your oysters
Fifty ways to eat your oysters

Just heat 'em on the grill, Phil
Fry 'em in a pan, Stan
No need to avoid, Floyd
Just listen to me
Steam 'em in a pot, Scott
You don't need to prepare much
Just broil 'em for three, Lee
And eat them safely.

Heat 'em on the grill, Phil
Fry 'em in a pan, Stan
No need to avoid, Floyd
Just listen to me
Steam 'em in a pot, Scott
You don't need to prepare much
Just broil 'em for three, Lee
And eat them safely.