FOOD SAFETY - MICROBIAL
Don't Get Sicky Wit It
Don't Be a Gambler
Food Irradiation
I Will Survive
Keep it Cool
Mantenga Bien la Comida
Stomachache Tonight
We are the Microbes
You Better Wash Your Hands

FOOD SAFETY - GENERAL
A Case of Norwalk
Fifty Ways to Eat Your Oysters
Stayin' Alive
U.S.D.A.
Who Left the Food Out

HEALTH & NUTRITION
Eat it
Jump
Veggie Believer

MAD COW DISEASE
Beware La Vaca Loca

PESTICIDES
Bring Back Delaney
I Sprayed it on the Grapevine
Political Hay

OLESTRA
Feelin' All Right

BIOTECH
Clonin' DNA
Frank N. Foode
Still Seems Like Food to Me

TOXICOLOGY
Rat Number 49

ACADEMIC LIFE
Money for Nothing

Money for Nothing
In the style of Dire Straits's "Money for Nothing"


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I want my
I want my Ph.D.
I want my
I want my Ph.D.
I want my
I want my Ph.D.
I want my
I want my Ph.D.

Now look at them professors, that's the way you do it
You go to college and get your Ph.D.
That ain't workin, that's the way you do it
Get your money for nothing and your perks for free
Now that ain't workin', that's the way you do it
Lemme tell ya them profs ain't dumb
Maybe get a blister on their typing finger
Maybe get a blister on their typing thumb

We gotta install capillary columns
Give our posters at Societies
We gotta pass our qualifiers
We gotta fix those HPLCs

See that professor with the bow tie and the long locks
Yeah buddy that's his own hair
That there professor's got his own big business
That there professor he's a millionaire

We gotta install capillary columns
Give our posters at Societies
We gotta pass our qualifiers
We gotta fix those HPLCs

I gotta learn to write those papers
I gotta learn to write those grants
Watchin them profs hoppin all over the planet
This week Hawaii, maybe next week it’s France
Fillin out papers and goin to meetings
Sure sounds simple far as I can see
That ain't workin, that's the way you do it
Get your money for nothin and your perks for free

We gotta install capillary columns
Give our posters at Societies
We gotta pass our qualifiers
We gotta fix those HPLCs

Now that ain't workin, that's the way you do it
You go to college and get your Ph.D.
That ain't workin, that's the way you do it
Get your money for nothin and your perks for free

Get your money for nothing
And your Perks for free

Get your money for nothing
And your Perks for free
Get your money for nothing
And your Perks for free
Get your money for nothing
And your Perks for free

I want my
I want my
I want my Ph.D.

I want my
I want my
I want my Ph.D.